


Now I'm Lost In Us

by KitchenSink_IV



Category: Imagine Dragons (Band), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst and Romance, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polygamy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 00:21:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitchenSink_IV/pseuds/KitchenSink_IV
Summary: Dan is navigating through life just as he always has performing and touring with Imagine Dragons, until he takes a break from it all and visits some old friends. Josh and Tyler want to grow closer with him, and he wants to do the same if only he can overcome his fear of making this work. He slowly begins to realize he has enough room in his heart to love them both.- Dan Reynolds has a chronic illness called Ankylosing Spondylitis in which he raises awareness for. His symptoms will be mentioned in this fic, because it is a factor in his life (I am not writing from first hand experience and if anyone feels disrespected please let me know).





	1. Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [awolfling (AtrophicGalaxy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtrophicGalaxy/gifts).



                                                                                               
Tyler watched on silently as Josh stood in front of him murmuring into his cell phone. His other hand absentmindedly scratched the nape of his neck before he started running it through his short brown sable colored curls. He could tell from his stance and tone of voice that the conversation on the other end of the line wasn’t going well. His shoulders slouched and yet his back was stiffened as he listened attentively.

Earlier as they were relaxing and getting lost in an episode ofSex In The City, Josh’s phone rang and he announced it was Dan calling. Tyler had smiled eagerly as Josh told him because the thought of finally being able to catch up face to face with him made his heart flood with excitement. Dan had been friends with the couple over the course of a few years, and they’d kept in touch and tried to hang out as much as their hectic touring schedules allowed. Both bands finally had a break from touring and producing music for a few months, so the week prior they’d all agreed upon him coming to visit them in Columbus for a few days.

Tyler stood up from the couch and strode over to Josh, snaking his arms around his waist and pulling him in slowly. Josh relaxed slightly into his touch as Tyler rested his head on his shoulder and planted a soft kiss on his neck trying his best to help ease some of his tension. Josh returned the gesture by turning his head slightly and brushing his lips over Tyler’s forehead and leant further back into his hold.

“No, please don’t apologize,” Josh said into the phone in a soothing tone laced with empathy and warm honey. “Please don’t get a hotel room... Let us be here for you.” Silence filled the air briefly before he whispered, “okay, we’ll see you soon.” He let out a heavy sigh before shoving his phone into the pocket of his tight black jeans and turning to face Tyler. Tyler didn’t loosen his hold on him and Josh ran his fingertips down his arms reveling in the contact that always seemed to ground him.

“Dan doesn’t seem to be doing good,” Josh said softly before looking into Tyler’s doe eyes and sighing. “He um… life has just been really tough on him lately and he wanted to get a hotel room tonight, which if he wanted to he could but I…” Josh trailed off and bit his lip in thought.  
“I’m glad he listened to you, and decided to still come over,” Tyler said with a hint of worry.

“Me too,” Josh nodded. “He’s taking an Uber and should be here soon.”

 

The doorbell rang around ten minutes later and Tyler practically sprinted to the door before flinging it open. “My man!” he said with enthusiasm as he grabbed Dan’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen before shutting the door. “Hey, Ty,” he smiled before bending down and wrapping the man’s smaller frame into a bear hug while setting down his duffle bag. “Dan,” Josh called out as he walked up to them and hugged him from the side. He noticed the smell of sweat underneath sweet cologne and buried his face into the man’s shoulder. “It’s so good to see you.. both of you,” Dan said with a slight crack in his voice.

Josh and Tyler both pulled back from the embrace and Josh offered him something to drink as Tyler motioned for them to go into the living room. He drank in Dan’s appearance as they made their way to the couch and he felt his heart sink. His electric blue eyes were still just as beautiful and captivating, but they were ridden with exhaustion. His dark blonde hair were dampened with sweat and his demeanor looked as if he were on the edge of breaking. Dan sank into the couch and leant forward while Tyler sat down beside him. Josh strode in with a small smile and handed him a glass of water, before joining them on the right side of the couch leaving Dan in the middle.

“Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely with a grimace. They sat there for a few moments before Tyler reached out and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. He could feel his body trembling underneath the thin cotton of his white t-shirt and he automatically ran his fingers down to rub small useless circles into his shoulder blade. Josh mirrored Tyler’s action and shifted slightly to where he could face both of them and rested his hand on Dan’s upper arm.

He clenched his teeth and shook his head sharply before setting the glass of water down on the mocha stained coffee table before them. “I don’t want you both to think I’m not happy to see you, I am,” he whispered in a strained tone. “I just…”  
“It’s okay,” Josh said rubbing his thumb over his arm, “you can talk to us. We know you’re happy to see us.”  
“We don’t have to make small talk, Dan. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” Tyler lulled.

That’s when the façade slipped away and with clenched fists Dan practically shouted, “I’m tired. I’m just so tired, of everything.” He unclenched his hands and buried his face into them before letting out a broken sob. “I’m trying. I give my all.. every single day. And sometimes it all becomes too much. I’m overwhelmed with it all, and I just.. I want relief. I want one goddamn day of relief"

The words rang out in the air like bullets being shot from a gun and they went straight through Josh and Tyler. Their hearts were punctured and shattered, but not as much as their friend that sat in between them. They both knew that.

They didn’t have to go through a single ounce of what he went through every day, and the least they could do was listen. Dan was the one who had to go through hell every time he opened his eyelids and started his day, and neither of them could ever relate but they could love him... they could let him know that he wouldn’t have to step through those flames alone.

Dan shrank in on himself as he continued to sob and Tyler caught Josh’s gaze and as cinnamon eyes stared into honey colored ones they seemed to share a mutual understanding. Tyler slid off the couch slowly and knelt between Dan’s legs before grasping his hands and pulling them away from his face slowly. He blinked up at him before reaching up and cradling his face with both hands. His thumbs slowly wiped away his tears, his skin felt like warm satin. Josh leaned in and rested his head on Dan’s shoulder before boldly brushing his lips across his dampened cheekbones and pulled him in close.

He shot Tyler an apologetic glance but was only met with soft approval, as Tyler stroked Dan’s forearms and buried himself against his chest. Dan glanced down at Tyler and then at Josh and there was no hint of embarrassment or shock. Only gratefulness as he sank into both of them and let himself be held. He reveled in their warmth and soft whispers, as Tyler assured him that he wasn’t alone. Josh clasped his long fingers in his own and stroked the top of them gingerly.

“Do you want to go lie down?” He asked tentatively and watched as he nodded. They all stood and Josh didn’t let go of his hand as Tyler trailed behind them as they were led to their bedroom. They didn’t bother turning on any lights but Josh pulled the covers back and looked at both of them curiously before pulling his shirt off. “I’m just trying to get comfortable,” he said softly casting his eyes downward. In reality he actually was, but there was also something about the touch of skin on skin that soothed him. And in this moment he wanted to soothe Dan just as much as Tyler did.

They all stripped into nothing but their boxers silently and Dan glanced at the bed as if he didn’t want to make the first move. “Come on,” Tyler whispered putting his hand on the small of his back and guiding him forward. Dan crawled onto the bed and settled in the middle, his body immediately relaxing into the coolness of the sheets. Josh lifted his head with gentle fingers and placed one of his pillows beneath it. He was thanked with a soft smile and returned it slowly. Josh and Tyler climbed in at the same time and pulled the covers over the three of them.

Josh scooted closer to Dan and brushed a kiss over his forehead before burying his head in his chest, the thudding of his heart beat against his temple. Tyler pressed himself against Dan’s back and hooked one arm over his waist his hand finding Josh’s and interlacing their fingers. Dan let out a shaky breath and enjoyed the warmth, the feeling of safety, of trust.


	2. Polaroid

Dan awoke to the sounds of rhythmic soft breathing and the feeling of warmth blanketing his entire body. His head ached dully and his eyes burned in consequence of the tears he had shed earlier. Forcing his eyelids open was a struggle but his breath hitched slightly in contentment as the first thing he saw was sunlight dancing across Josh’s galaxy swirled tattoo. He stared at it practically mesmerized; realizing he’d never paid that much attention to the detail of it until now.  
He could feel Tyler pressed soundly against his back with his arm still wrapped around him and one leg hooked over his waist. As much as he wanted to bask in the moment which had all happened so unexpectedly yet naturally he desperately needed to relieve his bladder. He scanned the bedroom drowsily and found the door to bathroom slightly ajar. He tried to get up slowly as to not disturb the two but Josh opened his eyes slowly as he shimmied his way out of their arms. Josh blinked up at him and a shy grin spread across his face.  
“I just need to use the bathroom,” Dan whispered. Josh nodded in acknowledgment and slid out of the bed before padding over to the bathroom and opening the door. He flipped the light on and turned back to Dan with a questioning glance, “do you want to take a shower? I know that’s the first thing I want to do after I get off a flight.”  
“Yeah, that’d great,” he answered in a hushed tone. “My bag is in the living room.” He started towards the door but froze as Josh placed a hand on his upper arm. “I’ve got it,” he stated softly before walking out of the room and returning with it a few moments later. Dan shot him a smile as he grasped the handle of the duffle bag and entered the bathroom shutting the door quietly. The bag felt like it was laden with bricks and he blew out a sigh of relief as he set it down on the granite countertop of one of the twin sinks, refusing to face the mirror in front of him as he did so.  
\------------------------  
The spray of warm water was welcoming and he felt some of the tension in his body ease as it rolled over his skin. He showered quickly, because as refreshing as it felt he wanted to sit down. He longed to shake the tiredness from his bones, but he smiled at the thought of Tyler and Josh who had done just that to his soul. As exhausted as he was it felt good to be in their presence and he tried to swallow his irritation over the fact that he couldn’t express jovially how he felt to see them.  
After stepping out of the shower and drying off Dan took note of how relaxed his muscles felt, but how stiff his joints were. A sharp gnawing pain began to work its way through his hips and he tried to think back to the last time he took his medicine. He knew taking it on schedule normally helped prevent flare ups, but with as rough as the past few days had been he’d forgotten to take it routinely. Lately his thoughts were like melting candle wax, they’d drip and flow fluidly at first but then become dry and stuck in one place.  
He unzipped his bag slowly and fished out his pill bottles, silently hoping that Tyler and Josh weren’t in the bedroom as they rattled in his hand. He physically shook his head as if to push that thought out of his mind. It didn’t matter if they were on the other side of the door or not, he had nothing to be ashamed of as they had so gently previously reminded him. Sometimes the thoughts still made their way into his mind though, out of habit. He took his medicine (with what he assumed was a cup that Tyler or Josh used to rinse with after they brushed their teeth) and buried the bottles at the bottom of his bag before slowly pulling on a pair of blue jeans and a soft peach sweatshirt. Glancing in the mirror he ran a hand through his baby doll curls and headed out of the bathroom.  
Dan found Josh sprawled out on the black leather couch in the living room with his head resting in Tyler’s lap.  
“Hey guys,” Dan smiled before striding over to the matching loveseat that rested directly across them on the other side of the coffee table. Tyler rolled over with one cheek slightly flushed from where it had been resting on Josh’s leg and smiled brightly.  
“How are you feeling?” he asked genuinely, cinnamon colored eyes searching his face. Dan opened his mouth to speak and felt the words he was about to speak dissolve in his mouth like cotton candy.  
He was overcome with emotion, and didn’t know how to answer. The sight of the two men so relaxed in each other’s hold before him made his heart and stomach do somersaults for some reason. His mind drifted to the feeling of being held by both of them and he realized he hadn’t felt so safe in a very long time. He also thought of his pain and tiredness, and was afraid if he were honest he’d bring the mood down. That was the last thing that he wanted to do.  
“Dan?” Josh’s voice broke him out of his thoughts.  
“Sorry,” Dan chuckled and shifted slightly. “I’m feeling a little better. The shower really helped. I’m just tired, I think the jet lag got to me.”  
Josh and Tyler nodded in unison. “Jet lag is horrible, I don’t think I ever really realize I have it until I’m sitting down and relaxing,” Tyler said.  
“Same here,” Josh agreed with a slight nod. “And it always leaves me feeling stiff and sore.”  
“I’m definitely feeling that,” Dan sighed and leaned further into the back of the couch with a sigh.  
“We can definitely take it easy tonight,” Josh said softly, playing with a strand of Tyler’s hair and glancing up at Dan. “Tyler is really good at massages… if you want one. They really help.” The words were said innocently and held no hint of innuendo but Dan still felt a blush creep up his cheeks.  
He certainly wasn’t opposed to the idea, but he didn’t know how to respond without seeming vulnerable. There was a striking difference between being vulnerable alone and around others. He definitely wasn’t used to letting his guard down around others and letting everything out so freely. Also, he didn’t want to take too much when he felt as if they’d already done so much for him. The last thing he ever wanted to be was selfish.  
It was as if Tyler had read his mind when he spoke up, “I don’t mind giving you one, if you want one. I haven’t played the piano in a while and need to put my fingers to better use honestly. I’ve been pretty lazy these past few weeks,” he laughed.  
Dan chuckled with him, relaxing into the soft string of giggles and feeling grateful for the distraction of comedy.  
“I mean… I won’t turn down a free massage,” Dan answered with a jerk of his lips.  
“Cool!” Tyler’s face lit up. He stood up from Josh’s lap and walked over to him with a sway of hips while he cracked his knuckles dramatically. Dan laughed nervously and hoped it didn’t come across that way as Tyler sat down beside him.  
“Do your shoulders hurt?”  
“Yeah, they’re a little stiff.” Dan said softly, not daring to talk about his hips.  
“Face away from me,” Tyler instructed gently, and Dan complied, shifting to where his back was turned to Tyler. He felt nimble fingers brush over his neck before smoothing down to his shoulders where they pressed in slowly. Dan groaned softly and rolled his head as Tyler’s fingers began to expertly knead his muscles.  
“Too much pressure?” Tyler asked with a gentle voice and Dan shook his head, once again at a loss of words. Tyler continued and shifted to a kneeling position before slipping his hands underneath the neck of Dan’s shirt before continuing. The warmth of his fingers was nothing short of magical and he was incredibly thankful that Josh had brought up the idea of a massage in the first place. He slowly zoned out and focused only on the warmth of fingertips working knots out of his shoulders and was left in a daze after Tyler removed his fingers.  
He almost sighed at the loss of contact but restrained himself. He turned around too quickly and was suddenly nose to nose with Tyler. Neither of them moved and his mind whirred as he felt Tyler’s breath on his face. “Thank you,” he managed to say before Tyler’s lips were suddenly planted firmly against his own.


	3. Here's To My Future

To say the kiss took Dan off guard would have been an understatement. Before he could lean in or react his mind began sending out warning flares and he startled. Tyler moved backed slightly and Dan immediately turned to look at Josh his mouth agape and hands beginning to tremble. The gaze he was met with surprised him even more because instead of anger Josh’s eyes held a different sort of warmth and a smile played across his lips.

 “I…” Dan started.

 “Sorry,” Tyler giggled softly as he reached out and placed a hand on Dan’s arm and gave as small squeeze. Dan tried not to recoil from the touch but Tyler could feel his muscles tense beneath his fingertips and he withdrew his hand.

 “It’s okay,” Josh said resting his chin in his hand and glancing from Dan to Tyler.

 “It is?!” Dan asked slightly exasperated as he felt a blush creep up his cheeks.

  Tyler cleared his throat, “I really am sorry... I shouldn’t have kissed you; I got caught up in the moment.” Dan nervously ran his tongue across his lips and the found that the slight aftertaste of Red Bull lingered on them. He turned to Tyler and forced his eyes to meet the sorrow plastered on his face.

“It’s not that I didn’t like it… I did. I mean… I’m not too sure what I mean,” Dan flustered and stood up from the loveseat waving his hands in exasperation. His head was spinning and he felt slightly nauseated. He was afraid of the consequences anything he said might bring upon him or his friends.

 Josh stood and approached him cautiously almost as if he were afraid that if he moved too quickly Dan would bolt in the other direction. Josh’s hands splayed out and he spread his arms trying to convey that he wasn’t feeling defensive.

 “Whenever you were in the shower Tyler and I talked about what happened earlier…” he trailed off and bit his lip in thought. Suddenly questioning whether the man standing in front of him would feel uncomfortable about being talked about in such a manner without being involved himself. Josh felt the burn of a blush creep up his neck and shot Tyler a glance that silently pleading for help.

 “You talked about us cuddling?” Dan asked with a lilt of humor in his voice as he furrowed his brow.

“Yeah,” Tyler nodded, “As well as other things.”

 Before Dan could question what other things Tyler was implying he felt the warmth of Josh’s palm rub against the top of his hand immediately bringing his attention to the honey eyes in front of him that appeared to be drowning in thought. Josh’s fingers curled hesitantly into his own and  Dan returned the gesture giving a slight squeeze for Josh to continue.

 “Tyler and I have always felt chemistry towards you, and we thought you might feel it too. What happened earlier was more than fine. It was great. We both agreed that if _you_ wanted to take things further we’d be okay with that. We’re trying to clear the air… That is if there’s any to clear.”

 Josh frowned and hoped internally that he didn’t struggle too much with his words. He felt the pad of Dan’s thumb run across the top of his hand and he looked up at him. The cornflower blue that were dulled before were shining with a glimmer of something that Josh couldn’t quite pinpoint, but he watched as Dan smiled and couldn’t focus or question anything else.

 “There definitely was air to clear,” he said softly with a slight nod of his head. Josh and Tyler both let out a breath they didn’t even realize they were holding and Josh found himself chuckling at the statement.

 “I’m sorry we sprung this up on you. I shouldn’t have kissed you. Not after how you’ve been feeling I just… I couldn’t help it,” Tyler said with a slight strain in his voice as he realized how foolish he sounded.

Tyler and Josh both relied heavily on showing emotion through touch. Whether it be a slight brush of knuckles across the other one’s face while one was sleeping or through kissing it always felt like they were able to convey how they were feeling easier. Tyler didn’t act on impulse but to say he wasn’t drawn in to Dan’s lips and kissed them in effort to start this conversation so that he could comfort him more freely would have been a lie.

 “It’s okay,” Dan said gently while tugging on Josh’s hand to lead them to the couch. He wanted to keep talking but his body was screaming at him to sit down. They settled into the couch and Tyler watched on with wary eyes before Dan motioned for him to join them. Tyler walked over with less of a spring in his step than he was expecting as his eyes narrowed, silently taking in Dan’s body language.

 “Whatever happens… I’m more than okay with. There was definitely chemistry between us but I was afraid to ever act on it because the last thing that I would ever want to do is cause friction between the two of you.”

 Normally Tyler would have seized the moment to make a witty comment about him wanting there to be friction between all three of them but he could tell something wasn’t right.

 “Are you still hurting?” Tyler asked, his voice barely reaching above a whisper. “Please be honest.”

 “I am, but I took some medicine earlier that’ll hopefully kick in soon.” He answered tiredly.

 “Where?” was Tyler’s single question before cocking his head slightly.

“My hips,” Dan admitted as he felt Josh’s hand leave his own and run across his arm.

 “Lie down,” Tyler urged with a pout of his lip.

Dan simply nodded. In light of the new information his head was reeling and his heart pounded in excitement. The excitement wasn’t enough to push away the fatigue that had soaked through him though. Josh pulled him into his lap slowly bent his head slightly and ran his nose along Dan’s before pressing a kiss to his forehead. Dan shuddered slightly at the action and before Josh could pull away he kissed his cheek before resting his head on Josh’s leg.

 The denim of his jeans felt rough against his eyes that felt bruised from crying so much but he didn’t mind. The warmth radiating from him was what he focused on more. Gentle fingers ran through his hair and he felt Tyler sit down at the end of the couch. His legs were lifted and Tyler rested them in is lap, thumbing small circles against his ankles as if he couldn’t resist the urge to touch his skin.

 Dan sighed contently and felt his eyelids begin to close. Josh leaned close and ran his lips against the shell of his ear, “you can take a nap again if you want to. We can figure out what to do for dinner later”. Dan simply hummed before surrendering to the wave of drowsiness overcoming him. For the first time in months he slipped into sleep with a small grin gracing his face.


	4. I Want To Shelter You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fillerish chapter, and I'm sorry its taken me so long to update. Life has been hectic lately and I'm finally getting back into the swing of writing! There's a nightmare at the beginning of this story, you can skip it if it makes you uncomfortable you're not missing anything! Stay safe!

 The snakes coiled and thrashed around themselves in a sickening pit at the bottom of Dan’s feet.  He stared at them with a hint of confusion watching their writhing bodies in morbid fascination as their ebony scales glimmered in the sunlight. Dan’s toes curled into the sand beneath him and he tried to focus on the waves that were rolling towards the shore several yards in front of him.

 “ _How did I get here and why are there…”_

 His train of thought was broken as one of the snakes brushed against his foot. That’s when the realization that he was dreaming hit him, but it didn’t stop the stale and familiar prick of paralyzing fear still him. His jaw dropped slowly as his eyes screwed shut as he attempted to scream and was struck with panic when he realized he couldn’t.

 He willed his lungs to gather as much air as they could and tried again. _It was another failed attempt._  

 He sputtered and tried again with more force wanting to feel the warm burn against his throat from the cathartic release of the scream but sunk into himself as no sound was produced.

 The snakes began slithering towards him almost mockingly as if they were all in on some sort of macabre joke that he wasn’t included in. It was only until they stopped moving and raised their head in preparation to strike he realized none of them had eyes.

 

 

Josh was resting comfortably with one arm resting  along Dan’s back while the other stretched across the back of the couch towards Tyler. Their fingers interlocked as they spoke softly about what to do for dinner and also how adorable Dan looked while he was asleep. Josh felt Dan begin to tremble against him and he glanced down at him with a small frown. Dan winced and began to whimper softly in between breaths that were becoming more labored and rapid. The conversation between the two trailed off as Josh pulled his hand out of Tyler’s and began gently stroking the side of Dan's face.

 They were both aware that he was having a nightmare and Tyler watched on with sadness pooling in his eyes. He had spent countless nights clinging to Josh after the thoughts laced with barbed wire seeped in from his subconscious and caused him to have horrific and all too vivid dreams. Josh glanced back at Tyler and after a few seconds they both nodded. It was a silent acknowledgment that neither of them would breathe a word of this unless Dan brought it up himself. 

 Josh dipped his fingers into his soft curls still slightly dampened from the shower. “Dan,” he whispered. Dan stirred and Josh repeated his name while trailing his hand down to in between his shoulder blades where he began to lightly scratch small circles in between them. Dan awoke and opened his eyes, deciding to lie there for a moment. He reveled in the sensation of fingernails scratching along his back because it was much more comforting than the stiff coolness of snake skin. 

 He turned slightly to face Josh who gave him a warm smile. The sight of his eyes crinkling up at the sides of them made Dan’s already pounding heart beat faster.

 “I didn’t want to wake you up but it’s getting late and Tyler and I were wondering what to do for dinner. We thought about ordering a pizza but wanted to make sure that was okay with you.” Dan shifted slightly and visibly relaxed as he realized neither of them noticed or were going to bring up the fact that he was having a bad dream. He felt the remnants of the dream fade away as he focused on the delicious sensation of his back being scratched and the weight and warmth of Tyler who had encircled his legs in his arms.

 “Pizza sounds great,” he responded with a slight smile. “The toppings don’t really matter. I’ll have whatever you guys normally get.”

 “Sweet,” Tyler said as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket. “I’ll order it now!” He turned his attention back to his phone and tightened his arm around Dan’s legs pulling them closer into him.

 Josh continued to draw lazy circles on Dan’s back and cast an almost sheepish look towards him. His breath hitched as he took in the man beneath him. Dan’s strong jawline was covered in a dusting of stubble which led up to and traced his lips. Josh removed his hand from Dan’s back in favor of cupping his cheek to feel the soft texture of that stubble beneath the pad of his thumb. Dan watched on practically mesmerized before he began to sit up.

 Tyler announced the pizza was ordered as Dan slid his legs out of his lap and they both turned to him. After a few moments of intense staring it was clear their appetites were raging for more than just food.


End file.
